Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
