My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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