I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
