jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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