her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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