Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
