Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
