Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize