Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
