I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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