omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
