Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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