nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
