THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
