On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
