You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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