Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
