I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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