He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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