is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
