Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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