Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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