We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
