i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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