Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
