stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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