he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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