I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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