i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize