I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
