there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
