Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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