His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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