all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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