And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
how can u be prego again
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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