id be glad to
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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