I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We are all done wearing pants today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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