Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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