she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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