I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
