I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
