go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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