Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
