I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
