YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
