I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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