We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am naked and annoyed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
