How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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