If that was your dad, he is hot
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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