you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
