I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am naked and annoyed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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