if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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