when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
