So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
