Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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