There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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