You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
