After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
