is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
