Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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