Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
