So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize