I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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