If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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