wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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